Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
