i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
