I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
