At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
