Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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