were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
