Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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