He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
