I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
