so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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