I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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