My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
