I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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