and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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