I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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