I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize