$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
