I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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