Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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