I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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