uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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