accomplished twins. life is a go
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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