Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
