YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
