I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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