Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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