It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
