What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
