I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
