I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
