Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize