i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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