Christians are straight up FREAKS
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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