He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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