when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
