We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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