How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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