Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
