apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have grass duct taped all over my body
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
