god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
