I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
