i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
