Me. At least after what I've been through.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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