by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He better not be in your backpack
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
