and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
