Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
