Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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