you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
