Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
