Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize