Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
