ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
