I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
