he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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