My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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