I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
