did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Randomize
