I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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