I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
