Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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