How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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