Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
