I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
