Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
