I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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