I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Randomize
