I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
