turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I party with great urgency now.
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