Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
