You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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