So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You can't special order awesome
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm passing your future prison.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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