guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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